New beginnings

I'm trying to be better about posting, but here lately, it's been a little hectic!  Trip's regular day care is closed during the summers, which means we have to use the Regions back-up day care.  It's a great facility and the price is amazing ($75 a week).  The only catch is we can only use it three weeks in a row, and then he has to stay home for a week.  With me going back to the office and having him off of daycare, it's been crazy.  He finally started back up at Shades Crest Baptist this week and it has been an adjustment.  I have to get up at 5:45, get ready, so I can be at work by 7:00...so Michael does all the morning routine with Trip.  It makes me really sad because mornings are always the best time with Trip and I get to see him all of 5 minutes now.  I go into work at 7:00 so I can leave by 4:00, since his daycare closes at 4:30.  Ahh!

Being back in the office is different and a lot has changed since I initially started working from home almost two years ago.  I like seeing the people every day, but I sure did enjoy my freedom and schedule when I worked from home.  I always knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn't be forever, I just didn't realize it would be so short-lived.  I think when you are a mother, you feel guilty no matter what.  Whether you stay home with your kids full time, you might have the guilt of not "providing" financially.  If you go back to work, you have the guilt of not being there for your children.  There is no perfect answer, and I struggle with it constantly.  I felt like I had the best of both worlds when I was working from home.  I had the freedom of having time with him in the mornings, getting him to school at 7:45, working out (which not only for my health, but it was "my time" and it was a great release), coming home and working, then picking him up at 4:00.  I could still keep a clean house, cook dinner, and I felt it was the best balance for me.  That has all changed.  When you are exhausted, that takes away your patience...when you take away your patience, you tend to take it out on your child(ren) or husband.  I hate that.  Adding on major stress of my job on top of exhaustion, I'm having a hard time getting back in a good state of mind.

On a lighter note, Trip is adorable and is in the cutest phase right now.  He is talking more and more and I'm getting a better understanding of when he needs/wants something.  Previously, it was a pure guessing game.  I find him mimicking me a lot.  He isn't eating much at all, and I still try and introduce all kinds of new foods every week.  He will like something one day, and the next he won't.  I'm going to say this right now.  I previously judged parents constantly.  About how they disciplined their children, to what they gave them to eat.  You do what you have to do to get through the day.  Some days I'm a better parent than others.  Guilt constantly runs through my mind in every aspect of my parenting.  I will put together a deliciously balanced meal of protein and vegetables.  Some days Trip will love it--others day, I toss it in the trash and he gets Easy-Mac.  People can judge me all they want, but this is what I do and I'm not afraid to say it.  I do what I can.  I think the fact that I worry about all this stuff constantly makes me somewhat of a decent parent?  Well, that's what I'm going to tell myself :)